calm before the storm

not that life is extremely calm right now, or that we expect a full-out storm, but it's a little bit that way. it's a rainy monday morning,and i'm officially on maternity leave. our baby girl will be here this week! our weekend was spent trying to gather a few last minute diapers, make a few returns, and stock up on necessities since it'll be awhile before we emerge to the land of the living again. this is a special monday morning though. it's our last monday without kids. yesterday was our last sunday without kids. next monday, we'll hopefully be coming home from the hospital as a family of three. and then... LIFE! late nights, early mornings, snuggling with a newborn, memorizing her face so we won't forget anything, relishing in the newness of life that God has so kindly brought into our home, and from what i hear going through about 8 diapers a day! it's here and we could not be more excited!

i was telling jed yesterday that this huge sense of "heritage" and what we will give our daughter has been occupying my mind lately. i want to get a few maternity shots this week sometime because that is the one thing that i would love to have from my mom - shots of her pregnant with me. unfortunately, i wasn't born in the digital age, but fortunately our baby is! i want her to have proof of how much joy she brought us even before she was ever born, along with the pictures of her happy parents. i've been thinking about the next 20 years as a whole, and just praying desperately that we do a good job with this little one. it'll only be by grace if she happens to be anything close to kind, loving, caring, and gentle because right now i am afraid of only passing down my sarcasm, quick tongue, inflexibility, and massively scarring fat stage circa 1993.

as i left work on friday and sat in the train on my way to meet jed for dinner and a movie, the last year of our lives overwhelmed me. my maternity leave started april 30th, and my first day at this job was april 27th, 2009 (during the famous unemployed and homeless act of 09). i remember so well this time last year - the newness of my job was freaking me out a bit, i wondered if i would ever get used to my co-workers and my position, and the weight of jed still needing a job was on both of our shoulders. in the last year, we have settled into solid employment, life in the city, and the joy of eminent parenthood. i don't feel older yet, just a lot more full. the last time something this big happened to us was when we got married, and during the first few months of our marriage, the hugeness of how it would change our lives was nowhere near our thinking. looking back, it was the most meaningful and wonderful thing to ever happen to us. likewise, i know that in a couple of months or years, it will hit us just how drastically changed and vastly meaningful our lives have become. jed and i are inseparable and deeply content, yet our lives are about to fill up with even more meaning and depth. just an incredible thought.

this week will be full of little projects, pre-op appointments, a couple of errands, naps, a little decorating, and mentally preparing for what's ahead. can you really prepare for something like this? can you truly be ready? it's like being on the roller coaster at the top of a hill, and the dork running the machine lets the cars sit at the top for just a little too long. you keep hearing the clicking noise, and you try to hold your stomach for the plunge, but NOTHING could've prepared you for the rush of being let go. it's absolutely terrifying and still the funnest ride possible! right now we're anticipating the hill. as the week goes on, we'll be stuck at the top with the endless clicking, and next monday will begin the most terrifying and wonderful moments of our lives. how can it not be exciting?!