WARNING: this blog post may be explicit and potentially harmful for pregnant women to read
as a pregnant woman in an urban, highly populated environment, i have taken it upon myself to offer a suggestion to you inventors, patent-earners, and entrepreneurs out there. you can steal it fair and square, and i promise you it will be worth the steal. i won’t even request royalties.
here is my idea: stick-on nasal fresheners. ta da!
no, these fresheners are not for other people to smell you. they are for the sole purpose of aiding pregnant women in their march against nausea. and believe me, at times it is a fight for life.
you see, an urban mother-to-be starts every day with the daunting task of hiding a secret: the secret that everyone you come into contact with smells bad (except for jed or the occasional man on the train wearing curve – bless his soul). everything you pass by carries a distinct odor! no longer does the cigarette smoke from a chain smoker provide a welcome deviation from the typical body odor that can be sniffed, they are both equally repugnant and puke inducing.
one of my biggest fears is ralphing while i’m on the train. not only would i deeply offend every person on that train, but i believe a chain reaction would for sure ensue (think “cheaper by the dozen” levels). my solution has been to carry a plastic target bag in my purse, ready to whip out in a moment’s notice should the urge arise. fortunately, this has not happened yet, but i’ve come dangerously close. i’ve already figured out what i would say should such an event occur: “don’t worry, i’m just pregnant. i don’t have swine flu.” then everyone could breathe easy and even offer a little sympathy should they be so inclined.
back to the invention. hopefully by now you understand the necessity of such an invention. my vision is to have several different flavors on one set – kinda like stick-on earrings. maybe 28 pairs on a card, organized by smell or color. a variety pack is the only way to go in this situation due to the adhd nature of a pregnant woman’s tastes. (i can eat a bite of something because it’s what I HAVE TO HAVE at the moment, and by the time i’m done chewing it’s all i can do to swallow without gagging!) if you love the fresh smell of strawberries, put a strawberry sniffer in your nose while you cook. if you take a fancy to the smell of windex, put a windex sniffer in your nose for your commute. the possibilities are endliess!
no longer would i have to rely on a layer of vick’s vapo rub coating my nostrils in order for the dishes to get done. my gag reflex would get a break from the overtime shifts it’s been pulling, and jed would have freedom to open the fridge door whether i was in the apartment or not. can you imagine the worldwide success of nasal fresheners?!
i now hand over the baton. make it your duty to help the pregnant women of society. take the idea and run with it! it’s all yours.
ps: in case you haven't heard, jed and i are expecting a baby may 27th and we're very very happy!
